As I sit here staring at my computer screen envisioning what my life will be like in 2019, I feel a deep sense of bittersweet nostalgia as though I’ve already moved. I’m not just moving to another city but to another country and in less than a month. I have planned for this move for a year, so you would think I would be elated, and I am but somehow fear has started to creep into my thoughts. What if I hate my new home? What if I can’t make it or find a job? What if I can’t take being so far from my friends and family? All valid
questions that I don’t have the answer to.
Let me take you back a little further to the beginning of last year. I hated my job where my boss was a certifiable whack job and I was closing in on 40 faster than you can say Botox. I had a mini mid-life crisis that did not involve having an affair or buying a sports car that I would need to sell my kidney in order to buy (trust me, no one would want my liver) but decided a move was the answer. Yes, a move, but where? I thought about all the countries with warm climates where they speak English. I’ll tell you what friends, that list is very short. I came up with America (been there done that), Australia, and Singapore. Now I love Australia so much so that I married an Australian, but I wasn’t ready to move to my husband’s country where I only knew his friends and family. I wanted an adventure. I wanted to move somewhere we both have never lived together. I wanted to move somewhere exotic – and the South in America wasn’t going to cut it. Enter Singapore.
It had always been a dream of mine to move to a different country and after almost 9 years in one of my favorite cities in the world, San Francisco, I was ready. I would have done it before I met my husband, but the timing never worked. Now, however, was a different story. We don’t have children – check. I’m professionally at a crossroads in my sales profession, I’ve been in San Francisco for almost a decade and I want to focus more on writing – check, check, check,
My husband, not so much in a crossroads like me, it wasn’t easy to convince him, in fact it took at least 4-5 months to really get him locked in and sold on the idea. He’s the worrier so he was bound and determined to worry, about me mostly. How would I cope with moving to another country I’d never even visited? What would our housing and job situation work out? And most importantly how he was going to watch his beloved sports in Singapore (he’s basically American now despite the funny accent)? I was only really worried about not having Taco Bell again anytime soon in the foreseeable future, but I digress. He was right to worry. He would most likely get to transfer with his job while I would need a little time to land a new 9-5 and during that time, he’d be supporting us both.
Fast forward to today, where I have effectively been without employment for 4 months because we ‘thought’ we’d be moving in November. Surprise – more like January 2019. But no worries, we’ll just rack up points and a balance on that joint credit card we applied for when we got married. Luckily my partner is getting an awesome relocation package for us to move but many of us are not that lucky. It’s an expensive venture to move to a different country unless you’re taking the clothes on your back and one suitcase. Nevertheless, moving out of the country takes some gumption and some moxie, and some huge cojones. Apologies, that’s my Southern California upbringing revealing itself.
So now that the end of waiting is insight, I feel a bit more nervous than intrepid as I thought I’d feel. I know it’s just my nerves typing but thinking about all I have to do makes me want to run to my bed and put the covers over my head. It will be me selling and getting rid of all our furniture and figuring out what we need to pack. My husband will help of course but since I’m ‘fun-employed’ currently, I have to earn my keep somehow. Not to mention we will also need to find a place to live, make new friends (because hello, I need someone who enjoys brunch as much as I do) and we’ll have to adjust to life in an Asian country and all during the holiday season.
You’re probably asking yourself why I would ever consider doing this with all the risk it might entail. I guess I’d say it’s because I believe in no regrets. A lot of my life has been me not giving the next year or the next 5 years a second thought. I just thought, whatever happens, happens. Then I started to see that this actually is not how things happen, in my life anyway. Things happen to me or they did before I decided to do something about it. I began to think that, you know what, sometimes you need to make things happen and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. I’m writing a book also by the end of the year (did I mention I’m insane?) and I’m moving because I want to have that experience. Who knows what the next year may bring, but I know I won’t pine for a life I didn’t try to make happen.
And if you’re thinking you could never move to another city let alone country, I totally understand that inclination, but believe me, if I can do this you probably can too. What’s really the worst that can happen? For me, probably malaria but here I go, Singapore or bust!
Note: written prior to my move 11.29.18.
#expat #singapore #nowornever #travelbound
